that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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