You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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