The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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