Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
