My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
