how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it was like eating out sand paper
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
