What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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