This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
