why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize