I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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