he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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