OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
