My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize