he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
wow bdsm is so cute
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