Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
