i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
