It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
