I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
