Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
