I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
