I cannot find my penis.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just cropdusted the office
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
