I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
