I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize