This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The uberlube is also flammable
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize