Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
sex in a hospital.. check
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
