its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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