Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm both gender and math confused
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize