u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
