Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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