I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize