She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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