How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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