I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
