I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
