before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
