Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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