Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
