there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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