ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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