porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
