I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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