he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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