You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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