Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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