Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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