if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
