after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
