Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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