Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
