No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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