Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
