definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
