sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize