Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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