i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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