Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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