Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
