But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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