It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
