What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
