I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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