Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
