I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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