it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
