I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
