Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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