there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
