Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
