I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
