Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
