I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
