Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
