So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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