You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
