well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
