Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize