I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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