i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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