I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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